Online Dating Adventures: Part 1

As a relatively new resident in LA, I have taken steps to create a diverse network for myself.  I have tapped into my Alumnae network, my sorority’s network, joined meetups, and taken on the world of online dating. Here are the results of my experiences with (Plenty of Fish):

Date 1 – With Mr. Too Good To Be True. To start, he was about 3 hours late in getting back to me about the location but I made the most of my time. I was dressed to impress, specifically with the legs out. I ended up meeting him at a yogurt joint.

He opened my door and my first thought was, “Praise Jesus! This is it.” He looked Better in person! Smile – Radiant. Skin – Dark chocolate and glowing. Scent – In the Pocket. Attire – Very appropriate and flattering. Charm –Through the roof.

We sat and chatted over fruit and yogurt for an hour. Hit on music, gay marriage and his transition to LA from the south.  He made me laugh, blush and think! Yes, Lord, he had me thinking! We went by his place and I got to meet family. Went to the grocery store and acted like heathens for another hour – tickling, goofy faces and an exchange of cooking knowledge. Back to his place then to mine to walk my dog. Watched a bit of a movie and then to a theatre to see something new. Got there to discover the box office was closed. Got a street burrito and went back to his place. Walked the streets of Hollywood for a 1am non-adult beverage. Went back and kicked it in his car for about FIVE hours listening to D’Angelo and Foreign Exchange.  YES D’ANGELO, PEOPLE. The night concluded with him giving me a fatal, gentle but sweet forehead kiss.

What happened?!?!?! What the F*CK happened, you ask? He vanished. I have learned not to go off the deep end with texting and calling. I give myself 3 calls and 3 texts before I shut it down. I maxed that out, checked in a week later to receive a text that said, “I owe you an apology.” And that is the end of that story. There are one trillion reasons for his lack of action, but at the end of the day RESPECT is all this woman asks for. The ability for a man to act like an adult and me returning the favor. COMMUNICATION, people. It saves lives.

Date 2 – With Mr. All Wrong. I ended up riding out to see him (my mistake). On the way I get a text saying, “I am wearing a wife beater and basketball shorts.” Note: I was driving in a dress. I arrive to a short man whose skin needs Jesus and a prayer. He says, “It’s nice that you actually look like your pictures.” Plan? Destination? Nothing. I find a Jamba Juice and order my drink. He makes no effort to pay for that, no problem. He discovers that I went to an all girl’s institution for 8 years and he suddenly has “serious questions.” Like that, I went from being myself to an inexperienced, forgone conclusion. Then he learns that I am sorority girl!!! Now he’s got a whole new set of conclusions to voice.

Mr. A-W: So since you went to girl schools you must have…

SLB: No, no, no. I got out without ever kissing a girl or anything else like that.

Mr. A-W: Ahhh see that’s proof that you are close-minded!

SLB: Well have you ever kissed a man?

Mr. A-W: (look of thorough disgust) Hell NAH man. But it’s sexy when girls do it.

Fast forward to this one…

Mr. A-W: So what do you like to do for fun?

SLB: Well I am currently planning an around the world trip with a friend.  Hitting 10 places in Asia and Europe, I think.

Mr. A-W: Are you planning on driving or flying?

SLB: (Flattly) I think we’re flying.

He wrapped up our outing with the following, “You seem like the kinda girl who could help me with my resume.” I am proud to say that I dropped him off with out losing my temper once.

Date 3: With Mr. Not Ready (aka Too Young). Plan: got to his football game and kick it after. The game started at 7pm so I got there just after 8p, and it wasn’t event half time. No problem. I get my hands on a roster find him and his number. Surf the crowd and that number is nowhere to be found, but there is a brotha in all grey keeping a bench warm. And what do you know… he pulls out his cell phone and then mine rings. Turns out coach won’t let him play because of that GPA. Game ended at 10:30p, and he rushed to catch 2 female friends. I took my ass back to my car and he happened to call as within that minute.

Mr. N-R: Can you give my brother a ride home.

SLB: (toothless smile) Sure. Why not?

Next thing I know I have a car full of black men. I dropped them off and asked if there was a plan for the remainder of the evening.

Mr. N-R: I don’t know what those guys are getting into but you can come up if you want.

SLB: (wide eyed) Do you live with all three of them?

Mr. N-R: Yea.

SLB: Nah. I think we should try again tomorrow.

Lessons and take-aways:

Date 1: Don’t get ahead of yourself. That’s the best I can do with that one.

Date 2: This was great lesson in tolerance and patience. Tolerance for a boy who thought he was a man, but dressed like an idiot to a first date. Tolerance for the shared and simply disrespectful judgment I received. Tolerance for his audacity to ask something of me. Patience for a boy who needs to be schooled on a laundry list of sh*t, and Lord knows I don’t have time for that.

Date 3: Undergrads are no longer an option. Mister was 23, which is younger than me. For the most part, I think we all know what undergrads have to offer and for sure what they don’t have to offer. That was an unnecessary gamble.

Plan: Test drive with okcupid. Wish me luck y’all.

Related posts:

  1. “No strings attached, your love is so WiFi”: A Reflection on Online Dating
  2. Let’s Talk About It: “Dating” v. “Friends with Benefits”
  3. Don’t let being a Dynamo affect your dating…
  4. “Do you hear wedding bells?!”: A Look at Marriage and Dating
  5. ‘Til Death Do Us Part. . . . . . Say Whatttttttttt????????????
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