Don’t let being a Dynamo affect your dating…

What if the Dynamo woman is the problem with her own dating life or the lack there of.  Perhaps the degrees and dissertations, recorded travels and reduced language barriers don’t accurately depict the desire for companionship in the language that attracts what we seek to secure as ours. Dating a well educated, well aware, well dressed woman who can support herself, enjoy basketball and the ballet, hold a conversation about topics outside of reality T.V., does not desire a reality T.V. career and carry herself in a way that won’t make mothers blush is quite a treat, but not always easy to portray in a relatable and approachable way.

I thought of a ton of ways to approach the topic of strong, independent, young women who are on the cusp of reaching new heights in their respective generational arenas that are in many ways beautiful, creative and compassionate in conjunction with the topic of dating and the obstacles some dating dynamos might often face. And then I thought about two things: 1. The conversation does not need to be about how dynamic we are and why we deserve what we deserve because duh we know that already and 2. Because of that dynamic fact we must remember that we can indeed be difficult to approach, understand and maintain therefore causing initial anxiety in others at the thought of attempting at either.

So, for the unattached days (or weeks, months, years), I created a few rules for myself (for those times I actually aim to be more approachable) that would hopefully open up the possibilities for making more new acquaintances and who knows what else. Not approved by any council or board of degreed men, these “bit of bait” are based on observation and some informal polling of both single and taken dynamos and random others:

  1. Don’t look so mean: I hate when I hear it as a pick up line but it’s true. Personally, my usual expression is unimpressed on top of a serious thinking face, and I think too much. So really this one is: don’t think so much. Most people won’t assume you are thinking but more that you are difficult to approach or engage with.  I’m starting small with interested eyes and a smirk. So far so good.
  2. Have a good time: For me this goes back to not thinking so much and letting my hands go up in the air when the music hits my backbone and not the thought of what a “girl like me” looks like engaging in public fun. An over awareness of self inhibits random adventures that lead to other life explorers who actually spark a conversation before you realize. And taking ourselves too seriously seems to be more detrimental than ever lately.
  3. Be the bold you desire: Well no one likes rejection of course and we should all know how it feels to approach with interest to be met with just the opposite. Keeping that in mind, we might understand that the lack of action due to the fear of rejection can incur quite the cost of lost dates. Still, in discussion of being seemingly unapproachable we indicate “I want someone who’s not afraid to approach me no matter what my face is.” In those moments when you see someone of interest why not use that bold Dynamo confidence to come at it from your end. We are proud of our own accomplishments and what we have to offer another but are hesitant to use that as comfort in our own approach. Maybe a smooth start to a conversation using that womanly charm is just the trick to trigger more.
  4. Do new things: Read the same book and get same story. Sometimes your neighborhood hang out spot is just not going to offer any variety in new options. Grab a single friend and go places where people convene for different reasons than your usual endeavors. New activities open a world of possibilities. If nothing else, a potential new hobby or a check off your bucket list.

Dating. The art of meeting and getting to know strangers only to potentially return them to that exact level of engagement or lack there of. Go figure that you and some of the most eligible women you know don’t get asked out on dates because you are intimidating or a tough act to match. While these are unspoken compliments, they clearly don’t populate into sweet gestures and text messages and the least we can do is show our human side and see if sweeter bait catches more. I’m simply a Dynamo who is trying to attract with more sugar than vinegar.

–Afiya Shani

Related posts:

  1. Let’s Talk About It: Do our fathers affect how we look for love and respect?!
  2. Let’s Talk About It: “Dating” v. “Friends with Benefits”
  3. “Do you hear wedding bells?!”: A Look at Marriage and Dating
  4. “No strings attached, your love is so WiFi”: A Reflection on Online Dating
  5. Dynamo Health 101: Drinking v. Smoking
PDF24    Send article as PDF