“Try a Little Tenderness”: Toning Down the Alpha Female

Dear Beyonce,

Thank you for putting women into a mindset of being an independent woman, throwing our hands up to celebrate *queue music*. We’d also like to thank you for giving our men the boot for not putting a ring on it *raises left hand & points to ring finger*. By the way, how are your husband and precious Blue Ivy doing?

Signed,
Single and Independent

*I’m not throwing any shade on my cousin Beyonce (yes, she’s my cousin. Don’t believe me, fight me). *I’m sure many of you remember Ne-Yo’s song ‘Ms. Independent’, Jamie’s song, ‘She Got Her Own’; and how could we forget the infamous I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means?! She got her own… I digress. If you were like me, even if you didn’t have it, you were in your local club or lounge, hand in the air, because you just knew they were talking about you. *3 snaps and a head twirl*. We grew up in an environment either surrounded by musical influences, powerful women, or raised in a single household, that emphasized this notion of the DIY woman; it almost became second nature. We can’t depend on people, especially a man, to do for us, what we can better do for ourselves. We have a great job, make good money, buy ourselves nice things, and are the sole proprietors of our happiness. We are the Alpha Female, hear us roar! We do it because we can and to date, haven’t been proven wrong. *queue Run The World (Girls)*

While I’m all for girl power, we have to admit, even I, perfect in every way, take it a bit too far. I’m sure I may have been overheard saying that men should be used for 3 things: taking out the garbage, killing unwanted insects and procreation. Even with those options, I can either pay to have it taken care of or do it myself.

After speaking to a few exes and nextes (yes, that’s a word!), I’ve learned men don’t want to hear that ALL the time. If we do it all and don’t take a step back for just a minute to let a man be, for all intents and purposes, a man, where do they fit in within our life? While we don’t need to be a damsel in distress, we do need to find that healthy, what I like to call, Beyonce Balance; let me explain: Cater 2 U.

  1. Stroke his ego: We can be powerful and all knowing, but we can also cater to our men. The best way to do that, is stroking his ego a little bit. Fix your beau a plate while his favorite sport is on, fold up a pair of his jeans while he’s in the shower, compliment him, and let him believe he’s right. If his friends are over, offer them all a drink from the fridge, this will score highly in his book.
  2. Look presentable: I’m sure we all look good in a pair of sweats, your favorite hoodie and a sloppy ponytail, but nothing is wrong with a regular trip to the salon for a deep conditioner, wearing fitted jeans, a good belt, and a nice blouse. Throw your laundry shoes to the back of the closet and opt for some casual flats for a regular stroll. I know we’re naturally beautiful, but when it calls for it, exchange your Vaseline for some lipstick and throw on some other finishing touches for your face along with your daily moisturizer that gives us our impeccable glow.
  3. Zip it: While harsh, it’s true. I’m the most opinionated person in the world. I give my opinion freely Why? They’re free; share them. However, it isn’t always necessary and we can keep some them to ourselves, write them down, or phone a friend. While I’m always right, and I’m sure you are too, we don’t need to constantly remind him of that. Let him go the wrong way and don’t instantly correct his directions with your ‘I know we’re going the wrong way’ attitude. Let him call the waiter over the next time you go to dinner. Contrary to popular belief, some guys HATE when women insist on paying ( there’s nothing wrong with offering, sometimes ). Do a fake flinch. If he has it, drop it.

There’s a lot to be said about this and it may be revisited, but at the end of the day, ladies, we need to cool it. There’s a time and a place for everything. We begin to make our men feel inferior when we put on heirs of ‘Anything you can do, I can do better’. We need to get in touch with our emotions and be ok with him having the upper hand. It’s a process and it’s hard, but I’ll save you a seat at the next AFA meeting ( Alpha Females Anonymous ).

 The ultimate superwoman can maintain her title without making her significant other feel any less. Some argue that men need to be more confident, but come on, we all have it in us to put even a good man down. Until next time…

 Smoochis :-*

Brooklyn’s Sweetheart

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  3. “To Submit or Not To Submit…”: A Reflection on Love and Independence
  4. Let’s Talk About It: Should we shack up before marriage?!
  5. Do you have a “Mr. Magic”?!
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